I remember my father’s words when he realised his son would cease to exist.

I remember my mother’s cries as she hit me trying to release the demon within me.

I remember how they prayed to God for my soul’s deliverance.

I remember how they told me the fires of hell awaited me; eternal deamination.

 

Why is there so much segregation?

Why all this separation?

Why am I not worthy of the love that God promised to all of us?

Why is my sin bigger than the rest?

 

I remember how they laughed at me, called me names, s’tabane, moffie, faggot.

Perhaps they forgot…that I am God’s child too.

I remember how their lashings cascaded my body, my blood seen as an infection.

In fact they forgot that my blood was just like theirs.

I remember how they threatened my very being...But my being there was the God’s infinite plan.

 

You see, I was born different, a woman, trapped in a man’s body.

You see, society told me I was a nobody.

How they forgot all the things I did abundantly for everybody.

Indeed I was a great somebody

 

They scattered the remains of my body.

Like a sheep to the slaughter they butchered me, left me bare for all to see…

My life taken because of the insecurities that drove testosterone driven men…they were three.

My Lord I prayed to thee…

 

Why is there so much segregation?

Why all this separation?

Why am I not worthy of the live that God promised to all of us?

Why is my sin bigger than the rest?

 

My mother never got the chance to say goodbye

AS they brought back my bag, the only item that remained.

See wept at the thought, a mother’s love still stayed

Now my body lays for all who passes by

I do not blame them, every great man faces tribulation.

I do not blame them but their time to face retribution.

I sit now in front of God’s feet watching over them weeping for their souls.

They knew not, but one day soon they shall know…that God loves us all.

 

 

 

Ego (short version)

I am a solider back from war
Bruised, battered and burnt…will you adore?
My scars stretch wider than the pores of pain, deep beneath the core.
Try as I might to fight this fright that trembles my heart I see thee…
I want thee…but…

My scars stretch wider than the pores of pain, deep beneath the core.
Try as I might to fight this fright that trembles my heart I see thee…
I want thee…but…

You look at me black brother and I turn to butter, for I feel thee
It is Strange how I seem to stutter when…
I try to mutter words that matter the most today…
It must be…

This ego that will not let me go, do you hear me Amigo?

I am a solider back from war
Bruised, battered and burnt…will you adore?
My scars stretch wider than the pores of pain, deep beneath the core.
Try as I might to fight this fright that trembles my heart I see thee…
I want thee…but…

This ego that will not let me go, do you hear me Amigo?

Chronicles of a voiceless victim

I let you in,out and inside of me.
I left you one two,too many times it's true.
Yet three four,for the life of me...I still considered you a part of me.

I watched your fist pierce my body,pools of blood pouring from my beat up pores.
I watched your hands break my skin faster than a razor blade,yet I stayed.
I watched you spit on my face with every disgrace and prayed with God's Grace I'd be out of that place.

Still I let you in,out and inside me.
I left you one,two,too many times it's true.
Yet three four,for the life of me...I still considered you a part of me.

Friends saw those wounds,black purple and blue.
Friends pitied the fool who wouldn't even sue.
What they didn't know was that I loved you.
What they didn't know was that I needed you.

I still remember the smell of your sweat as you kicked me all over the floor.
I still remember the smell of my blood as I wiped it off that wooden floor.
I still remember the roses you gave me to end my sorrow.
I still remember you saying it will get better tomorrow.

Once more I still let you in,out and inside of me.
I left you one,two,too many times it's true.
And three,four,for the life of me... I still considered you a part of me.

And now as I lay six feet underground,trapped and soil-bound I still love you...

something random

Sucking all my energy
Can you here synergy?
Scream!!... Scream… Scream!!!
I can’t feel my steam

At par with death do you hear me?
Tired of being a wondering sole
For you have stole all that’s left of me, can you feel me?
Tired of being a barcode just reach out and touch me!

Sucking all my energy
Can you here synergy?
Scream!!... Scream… Scream!!!
I can’t feel my steam

Am I simply a number in your phonebook….or
Do I exist in your mind too?
Too? Too tired to fight a bedroom war for its time to explore other avenues.
Too? Too tired of being a door mat, I’m so over that…what is that?
Too? Too tired of being a walking stick to you spineless dick, who is that?

Sucking all my energy
Can you here synergy?
Scream!!... Scream… Scream!!!
I can’t feel my steam

You are just a dream, that is…Until you Try to steal my infinite steel…yeah I’m talking to you Bill.

Pool of blood

1st VERSE
I'm sitting in a pool of blood,wondering where I am,trying to pick up pieces of my broken heart. Standing at death's door,remembering all the scars that remain when I saw you for who you are

CHORUS
Like a dream I woke up and you were gone.
Like a dream the harsh truth,came tumbling down.

2ndVERSE
It's amazing how you left faster than you came...do you realise what you've done?
It's amazing how I swor I would never love again,but you flipped me upside down
truly amazing how much I cared. Could have killed for you at your command,would have died for you at your request.
But now that's gone,now it's gone.

BRIDGE
I was wondering if you knew what you did,cause I'm sitting in a pool of blood, wondering if you cared,wondering if you knew how much I cared for you
Yes I'm sitting in a pool of blood,wondering if you cared,trying to pray and pick up a broken heart.
Hoped you would understand,hoped you would feel my pain,hoped I could break away but my heart won't let me damn! I'm caught in the middle,oh I'm caught in the middle baby.

(back to chorus)

last verse
sitting in a pool of blood...trying to pick up pieces of my broken heart..but don't you worry,I'll be okay

song of sorrow (working title)

When I think of what could have been my soul weeps a million tears. When I think of what should have been my tears wash my face with a string of unbroken lines.

As I pick the fallen pieces of a heart once shattered I look through it's mirrors and remember the smiles,the cries and the frowns.

Trying to close a chapter of a story that was never written. Yeah... it's a pity being smitten doesn't guarantee your heart's warrantee. Each time I see your face something in me springs like the first bloom of a sunny spring. My heart sings,but this song is full of sorrow. My heart sings but I know I cannot follow.

I am caught in a web and each time I try to untangle it I find my self in the middle of a crossroads. All I wanted was to be your rose...thorny as I am I wanted you to pick me,prune me and pollinate my spirit igniting a flame in me. But you could not see past the thorny exterior of the misunderstood girl.

I sit hoping to let go but my heart tells me to hold on for all great things are worth fighting for. Broken as I am I sit in this corner playing my part even though my heart trembles.

Maybe it's time to set free the bird in order to let free m heart. The cage that bound both,has now been open. You are free

Suicide

Suicide, my hands have been the death of me.
Suicide, my body vertically bound, my hands next to me.
Suicide, my eyes no longer visible to the naked eye
Suicide they scream shocked, surely not I.


The tight noose that we call life was a misery.
The tight noose of this rope has set me free.
The extrusion of the physical, releasing the soul: oh what a mystery.
The letter I wrote to my mother secretly.


She,the one who gave life will mourn my departure.
She,the one who nourished me in life will unhook my stature.
She, the one who cradled me in life shall cradle the body of the boy whom she once called a son.
She, the one who gave me light shall be my rising sun.


In death I am free, my soul unleashed into the universe; a beam.
I know it may seem, a cruel end ,but for me, it is the dawning of a new day.


Suicide, my hands have been the death of me.
Suicide, my body vertically bound; my hands next to me.
Suicide, my eyes no longer visible to the naked eye
Suicide they scream shocked, surely not I.


Do not cry over me, in death, I live forever.
Do not weep over me, for in my demise, I shine eternally